I hate days like today where my grief overtakes me and I turn into a blubbering wreck. On ‘grey’ days getting out of bed and joining the world is not an option. I recognise that every other week one of ‘these’ days occur and are part and parcel of my way of coping with my loss. I allow myself the time to wallow in my self pity and cry about how sad my life is without you in it. I cry for all the years I’ll never have with you, I cry for all the birthdays that friends have with their children when ours stopped at 9 years. I try to remind myself how lucky I was to have those 9 beautiful years, I try to recall those early memories that are buried deep inside me to no avail because on ‘grey’ days only images of your last days with us manage to break through only memories of the final hours are there. No matter how hard I try I can’t remember your happy, smiling face.
I hate days like today.