Wedding plans

So today I’m planning bits of my future wedding day and it’s so important to me that Órla is involved throughout the day.

Roses have always been one of my favorite flowers so when I gave my eldest child Zoey (who was 9 years old at the time), the choice of middle name for my expected baby I was thrilled when she chose Rose.

When Órla was taken from us too early I constantly referred to her as Órla Rose. Suddenly I had to be surrounded by all this roses. I spread rose petals in her coffin covering her body. I had bunches of roses in vases in the room she rested in until it was time for her body to leave. My bedroom wallpaper is roses as is my bedspread. The first gift my fiancée gave me was a single rose.

So needless to say our wedding invites will be adorned in roses, our family unity candles are being designed with roses on them, our table decorations will be circles of roses and of course my bouquet will be roses.

I want to have her there with me throughout the day and when choosing our songs for the evening the Dj informed me he uses a huge screen for displaying pictures whilst a song is being played, it was then that I remembered Órla’s favourite song to sing was shine bright like a diamond by Rihanna. In fact I remembered her singing it so much I knew I had a recording of it on her iPad. When she had flown home it was one of the pleasures discovering 4 short videos she had made herself a few months before she left us.

I said this to the dj and he said he could add her voice to the song during the chorus whilst playing the song and some pictures clips on the screen. I got so excited at the thought that I was going to hear her on my day and dance to her favorite song.

Today I went to search out her video clips only to find that it was obviously in my mind I could hear her sing the song and not that she had recorded it at all, how could I have got it so wrong? I can hear her sing it right now …..

Five years on and it still cuts like a blade and I’m still discovering new hurts. I really wish she could be there with me physically and not just in spirit.

Till we meet again bubba❤️

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